COGITO, ERGO SPUD - I think, therefore I yam.
VENI, VIDI, VELCRO - I came, I saw, I stuck around.
VENI, VIDI, VVINNY - I came, I saw, I got an offer I couldn't refuse.
SCROTUM EST - It's in the bag.
Coito Ergo Cum
I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Necrophilia is dead boring.
Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.Psychiatrists collect the rent.
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"
Argumentum Ad YourMomium
Reductio Ad Hitlerum
From A Fish Called Wanda
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Subway Graffiti:
"My mother made me a homosexual."
"If I give her the wool, will she make me one too?"
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vender? "Make me one with everything."
What did the hot dog vender say when the Buddhist asked for his change? "Change comes from within."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who spilled his coffee while driving to work? He had bad kar-mug.
Light bulb jokes:
How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.
How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two--one to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.
How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
None-its a pseudo-problem...light bulbs give off light (hence the name)...if the bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, it wouldn't be a 'light bulb' now would it? (oh, where has rigor gone?!)
How many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?
On the contrary, the NILE is the longest river in Africa.
How many Nietzschians does it take to change a light bulb?
.00001
How many fallibilists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but I COULD be wrong about that.
How many decision theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
PROBABLY two.
How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark...
How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, why fight it?
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